Adpotion is Scary

Well we're putting it out there.  The words we have been scared to death to say for the past year.  "We're going to adopt".

We haven't told many people, but Ben and I have had a rough year.  You see, I  had this perfect little plan.  We were going to have another child when Benson was two, and then another when said baby was two, and so on until we had 4.  It sounded perfect in my mind.  We were going to be this perfect little family and eat apple pie and watch baseball games.  Right?  Not so much.

It turns out that God has a very different plan than mine and most likely laughed at my "perfect family plan".   Right after Benson turned one we started trying for the second baby.  I got pregnant right away and thought "Oh yay, my plan is working."  Then at 7 weeks I had a miscarriage.  It was actually my second one to have because we had one before Benson.  So, since we had been there before, we brushed it off and started trying again.  We got pregnant again right away.  Then at 6 weeks, another miscarriage.  At this point, we decided to run the full gamut of tests to see what was going on.  Finally after waiting for what seemed like an eternity (I think it was like 3 weeks, but still) I get my diagnosis: unexplained recurrent pregnancy loss.  I basically gathered this means they have no idea why it keeps happening so therefore there is no way to treat it.  There are things they "try" to throw at it when you get pregnant, but there aren't any guarantees.

We decided to try one more time.  This time it isn't happening near as fast.

One night I finally muted the TV and turned to Ben and told him I had been thinking a lot about adoption, specifically an adoption from Ethiopia.  God had been putting in my path seemingly everywhere I looked.  I finally got to the point where I could throw my "perfect plan" out the window and actually say "yes" to the only truly perfect plan there is.  At this point I am fully expecting a laugh and snort indicating my loving husband thinks I am completely crazy.  That doesn't even remotely happen.  Instead he looks at me and says, "So have I."  Wai,t what?  He even has gone as far as checking with Hilmar to see what adoption benefits they have.  I was floored.  The Lord really does work in mysterious ways!

For awhile, that was all that was said.  We were still going to give it one more good ol' college try.  Why?  Because I'm human.  I didn't completely trust in the Lord and that he would provide a way for us to bring a baby home.  Finally after the 4th negative pregnancy test I broke down and said "Yes."

Well here we are now, we are getting ready to submit an application and schedule a homestudy.  It is going to be a long and trying road, but we know it is the road we're supposed to be on.  We are asking for everyone to please pray for us during this journey.  We are going to need a lot of patience and even more support.

So in closing, we're doing it.  We're jumping in full force and having faith that He will catch us.  Are we scared?  Beyond.  But normally the scariest things are the most rewarding.